What would I say?

It´s been nearly3 months I have not posted anything on this blog.

Means, I was ok, cause I always visit this blog whenever I feel sad or having issues about my marriage life.

But now I´m not OK. And thank God I have this blog, it´s like a place to escape virtually.

And reading back what I had wrote, somehow it´s kind of giving therapy to my self.

But to really write how I feel at this moment, I am blank. I do not know how to transfer all the miserable things that I´m feeling in the form of writing.

So let just go with the flow.

I just type whatever come out from my mind.

I am frustrated. It´the same old stories, the same issues, just different scenario and words. Sometimes I feel I couldn´t take it anymore. But I always remember Allah s.w.t...always put it in my mind, this is a test from HIM.

So the best thing I can do over situation is reflecting - reflecting my attitudes, my acceptance over things.

I may not have a husband who would make me feel I am the most lucky wife in the world, I may think that I can´t really rely on him - that I have to be physically and emotionally independent in all aspects of my kids´s life and mine. I may think that I would prepare myself, mentally especially, for anything worse that may happens in the future - say, my husband might leave me one day for another woman.

It is sad actually to think all of these.

But I must also remember, I couldn´t actually dependent on anybody. I can only hope in Allah s.w.t. Even if I have the sweetest husband in the world, if he would leave me one day, I probably would be shattered in pieces. I might not be so strong facing the reality. Like, you know, it´s something you don´t believe would happen to you because he´s so nice to you all these while. Like a friend who keep saying that, "no, her husband would not do that to her, because he´s not that kind of man".

Well, I can´t say anything negative about her view right in front her face. To have a husband so loving, so sweet - it´s your luck. So good luck!

But, don´t forget, everything is in Allah´s hand.

As for me, I would keep reflecting. I would aim to get happiness in Akhirat, if not in Dunia. So yes, I would bear my problems as much as I could.