In a Cold War

The main reason for creating this new blog is because currently I have a cold fight with my husband and right now I'm close to tears. The thing is, I can't really share how I feel about the situation with anybody. I can't be telling my friends for I'm afraid that it sounds like I'm badmouthing my husband. My friends, all seem to be having happy marriage. None of them is complaining about their husband, in fact they compliment their spouse lovingly. I wish I could say the same thing about my husband, but I couldn't because from day to day, it seems he is more irritating than ever. I can't be telling my mother for I don't want her to be worried and again I don't want to tar my husband's image to my parents' eyes.

But I still need to pour out how I feel.

I actually can't really tell how this is all started. In our 5 years of marriage, we always have fight. Basically, I would say that my husband is a good man. He is not a womanizing type, he hardly spends his time outside home and he's responsible in terms of providing physical needs for his family, what else.....let me think what else good things I can write about him.

But apart from that, I think he's very insensitive towards me. And how is that?

Point 1:

He often hurts my feelings with his harsh words. For example, he always make fun of my physical look....well, I have put on weight after being pregnant and delivery. And I dont look as nice as I did during our dating days...of course I dont anymore! I have some other important things to do rather than concentrating on being beautiful. What hurts is, he once mentioned jokingly that if he knew that I would be fat, he would not marry me... it was a joke to him, yes...but it hurts so much!

Another thing, I know I'm not a good cook but I'm trying very hard to cook delicious cuisines for him. But if it not good to his taste, he wouldnt eat it...he doesnt even want to pretend that he likes it. Yes, I know he's just being practical, he doesnt want to be a hypocrite but for good sake! Can't you just at least eat it some and then point it out nicely that it's not delicious? It's not I can't accept critics but for the whole 5 years I've been bombarded with all these harsh critics, I wish he would learn a way to criticize nicely.

Point 2

He hardly help me with the housechores or handling kids. Even when I had my career (I'm now a homemaker), there was no shared responsibilities when it came to housechores. It's always ME, ME, ME....Not that I don't ask for his help but most of the time he just ignores my requests, I end up doing it myself. At the beginning of our marriage, we used to fight a lot about domestic works, I used to cry a lot because I was tired after work and when I came home, there were so many things to do...cooking, cleaning, handling the twins and my husband just wouldn't help! And if I ever say anything, he just walked away and protested by not talking to me, not eating what I cooked or wearing the shirt that I have ironed on the next working day. I was very soft-hearted, I couldn't stand his cold-silent treatment that I apologized and tried very hard not to be angry if he didn't help.

Of late, I just ignore his cold-silent treatment to me, and I also start my own protest with the same cold-silent treatment.

Point 3

No presents or lovely surprises from him on special days (my birthday/mother's day/wedding anniversary) for the past 5 years. And I don't know why this year I am so much affected by his ignorance. It started with Mother's Day in May. I saw many male friends' status on Facebook wishing their wives and mothers 'Happy Mother's Day' and some friends even posted photos with one with title ' A Mother's Day Dinner for My Wife'. And I said to myself 'Oh, that is so lovely'. And here my husband didn't even wish me! I couldn't help it, so this year I asked 'how come you never wish me anything on Mother's Day?' And he said 'Why would I? My family never celebrate Mother's Day. It's a crap!'. And I just had to swallow my pride for even had the nerve to ask him that.

And my birthday last month...nothing! He did wish me....but that was all. My own fantasy all this while...he would come home with a bouquet of flowers at least on the day. I dont mind not getting any presents but a bouquet of flowers is al ready a thoughtful gift. And it isn't that expensive...in Germany, the cheapest bouquest costs only 7Euro! And I never get a bouquet of flowers from him...not even while we were dating....

As for his birthdays, starting from the first year we dated, I never failed to give him a present and a card. Even after we are married, days before his birthday, I would have his present bought and nicely wrapped and then the morning of his birthday, I would put the present in his car before I left to work. Only this year since I'm no longer working and depend on him financially and he gives just enough to buy necessary things, I didn't buy him anything. I had thought of saving money to buy him at least a cheap perfume but there was not enough to save. Besides, since he didn't give me anything on my birthday which was only a week before his, so why would I bother?

So currently we have been on this cold war for about 3 days now. I think it was started because I asked him to help me post a package to a friend (an important delivery that I had promised her) since a week ago and he said wait until he has free time to go to post office. Not that he was really busy, in my opinion he can always drop by at the post office on his way to university but he is the type of person who would do things on the last minute basis. He just refuse to make a little time to get to post office...he doesnt have to go to uni very early and if he wanted to do it, he just have to go out a few minutes earlier before the train comes. I was still ok with that...then on Friday, he was free from school, I asked again but he was delaying things, and we were going out that day. So he said he would do it first thing in the next morning. I told him I had the feeling that it would never happen and he insisted that he would do it. The next morning he woke up late despite my effort tried to wake him up early. And once woke up, he lingered around and by then it was noon and post office was already closed! I knew! I knew this gonna happen! It happens all the time! He just doesnt take me seriously....he thinks making me in this waiting game is fun! He thinks it's ok if he breaks his promise!