Why it bothers so much?

Ok, the cold war is over...since 4 days ago. So everything is back to normal. He made it up and I told him how I felt, Thanks to this blog, I remember everything that had bothered me since I´ve written it point-to-point. That is why it is important for me to write because I will REMEMBER!

There is something else is bothering my mind now. But it is not about my marriage.

It is about friendship. But I don´t know whether I should call it friendship, because the other party doesn´t seem to regard me or my family as friends. It could be my wrong evaluation but I strongly feel that is how it is.

Well, let me tell some background about my life now before I go further with my story today. My family and I temporarily moved to Germany last year from Malaysia. My husband is here to further his study. So at the Consulate House during our religion celebration, we met this one family, who at that time also just newly arrived in Germany. The wife complained to me that it was very difficult for them to live in Germany since they can´t speak Deutsch (we couldn´t either!) and at the place where they live, there was no other Malaysians that they can seek help. Actually I found that their situation was not that bad because they got help from the Germans in the area but this couple wanted so much for other Malaysians companion.

We, on the other matter live in the area where we have several Malaysians who offer great help for us to start up. So feeling sorry for this family, I invited them to visit us, since they said they wanted to have Malays companion.

To be honest, when they came for a visit for the first time, I found it hard to click with this family. The wife mad a lot of unpleasant remarks about things in my house, my physical appearance and boy, she complained a lot about everything! The husband also didn´t seem to click with my husband. And the kids were very noisy and misbehaved. But I just closed my eyes to ignore all those unpleasant remarks because I wanted to make friend.

Then, they met my friend who lives near my house. This friend of mine, K, had a sharp tongue so she just openedly critized the couple´s three kids. And then they had clashed in religion view. Well, K has her own scary views when it comes to religion (we are all Muslims) which I also find very funny. And I know that this couple who always indicate to us that they are very religious, very Islamic, don´t like K. They don´t have to tell me, but I can tell by their face expression and body language.

The family came several times to my house because they need a place to stay every time they had things to do in the city. But everytime they came, they would have to see K because she is a frequent guest in my house. And that everytime, K surely gave negative comments on their kids´behaviour.

In between, the wife and I had communicated through YM. But everytime I chatted with her, I always ended up feeling hurt or offended. But I never learnt my lesson, I kept chatting with her on a regular basis.

Until one time, we went to a vacation without asking them to come along. My husband didnt want to ask them because he said he couldnt stand being around them. Besides, our vacation was actually planned by other people, in which we were invited to join, so it was not appropriate for us to simply ask other people to join as well.

But I told the wife that we were going for that vacation and I apologized for not being able to include them. I did feel guilty because she always said she didnt have friend and now the only friend she knew is going for vacation without inviting her.

I had noticed that was the beginning of the cold relationship between us. She hardly replied my message and there I was, wondering whether I had hurt her feelings. It bothered me so much thinking why the sudden quiet. They also stopped coming to my house. I thought it was because they didnt want to see K.

In the few months after that, we met at a gathering at the Consulate again. And it was so obvious that she and her husband were acting awkwardly towards us. I thought it was just me feeling that way but my husband said he felt the same too.

A week after that, I invited her to come to my daughters´birthday party through YM (at this time we had not been communicating thru YM for about 3 months), She said she would think about it but then the next morning she YMed me and said they couldnt come because they were having a religious gathering at her house. I was surprised...I thought she said they didnt have friend and now suddenly they were going to have a gathering at her house?

Maybe she felt guilty or it was just a matter of formality, she invited me to come and she further said it wasnt like she didnt want to invite us much earlier but she said herhusband was not comfortable with my husbad.

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?

I was very shocked. I couldnt imagine that when all this whileI was thinking about their life conditions (because she said she had a lot of problems) and whether we had offended them that they become so quiet with us, now she told me that her husband is not comfortable with my husband? What a pure honesty!

I was seriously offended with her remarks and quickly said I need to be off from YM because I had chores to do. My thought at that time, they probably think that we are not religious enough, therefore we are not eligible to be their friend. Now that they have more friends which they can click with, there is no need to make effort being friend to us anymore.

Since that day, I put her name in YM as ´appear permanently offline´, tried not to read her blog nor take note her updates in FB. I was determined to just ignore whatever it is related to these people. As if she would ever care! Because all this while, if it wasnt me who start sending her message, she wouldnt do so and she never comment in my FB either.

But up to today, this issue still bothers so much. I´m still thinking why they did this to us? It´s not like I want to be so close to them, I dont want to but I had tried to be nice to them as Muslims to Muslims and if they claimed they are more Islamic than us, why is this attitude?

I´m now telling my mind...just let it go. Some people just dont deserve to be friends!