What would I do?

Well, seems months ago I've forgotten about this blog.

Because I didn't have much unhappy issues to complain...until now.

I'm again in a major fight now with my husband. It's bad.... to the extend I am thinking to ask him to send me back to our home country. I just don't seem to be able to take it anymore.

The reason?

Same old stories...his IGNORANCE and SELFISHNESS.

How did it started?

Well, last week I was busy commuting from my house to this friend's house who has just delivered her baby. Thinking that she needs help, I volunteer myself to go to her house everyday to help with the housechores and the baby. Most of the days I took my kids along with me. Then one day this friend wanted to throw a ceremony to celebrate the newborn, and there were so much things to do so I sent the kids home to stay with their father.

That night I came home quite late, at 3.30 am and somehow husband was not in good mood. He asked about the deco flowers I bought during the day and complained that I am such a spendthrift!

For God's sake! That artificial flowers I bought at flea market for 2 Euro and for that I am called spendthrift?

I was too tired to argue so I just went to sleep.

Next morning as I needed to help more at the friend's house, I left home early with other friend. And since it was early, I didn't take the kids along. I just told my husband (who was still sleeping at the time) to send them to me later.

Few hours later I called home, and my husband was furious with me for leaving the kids with him. He said he has class to attend and I purposely made things difficult for him because he needed to attend the kids' needs and then send them to me. And he said I should make sure that everything at home is done before I go help somebody else. The thing is, this friend I'm helping, is the one who helps us a lot and I just can't believe that my husband would question this...it's enough that he doesn't help but not cooperate when I'm helping is very dissappointing!

And hey! I knew that his class doesn't start until noon and if he's not such a moron, he would get up early and get things done. And he said, why would he? In another word he was saying, why would he do that when those works are mine? Isn't he such a jerk? Oh, he managed to make me cry after the phobe call because I found his words were so sarcastic and mean.

He came to the friend's house later with the kids and no doubt was still angry with me. However, despite complaining on the phone that he couldn't make it to the class, he stayed at the house to join the ceremony and only left for class later on.

And during the ceremony, I was suddenly not feeling well. I had dizziness and I had to lie down. And in between I vomitted. Other people started worrying about me but when my husband came back from class, people told him I was lying in the room, sick....he didn't even came to check on me. I was hurt by that.

Then we were home and I was still sick the next day. He didn't have the initiave to prepare meal for me nor go buy medicine. And I was too proud to ask him to do anything. I still got up and cooked for the family, fed the kids and served him food. But I was sad (still am actually). Why can't he become a bit sensitive? Even if I didn't ask him, can't he see that I was sick? Can't he cook and serve me something?

What am I to him?

This makes me recall everything that he doesn't do for the 5 years we have been married. How insensitive he is, how ignorant he is....does that mean that he doesn't love me enough that he doesn't bother to make me happy?

What would I do to change his attitude, to make he realize that his attitude is killing me? Cause sadness in me and affects our marriage? How long can I take it? Be patient and just swallow whatever it is?

What would I do?