Choked

I don't know what is the right title for this post.

But who cares anyway?

I, as in my current situation, am extremely miserable. I've thought of making a move. Of going to him, hug him and say I'm sorry. But I'm not sure what I would apologize for. For ignoring him? For saying mean things (but I said those words as a defence).

Yes, I know when I have all these in mind, I'm not ready to make amends. I'm not ikhlas. I still don't understand why he treats me this way. Why he's angry when I'm angry? What? I'm not supposed to be angry over what he said and did? I'm suppose to understand that he is the way he is so the accept things the way there are?

Last night he didn't eat his dinner. The lunch also was hardly touchable and he was there on the table nibbling something-God-knows-what. And because we had guests in the house so he pretended he was eating something. I knew it.

This happens all the time....he always punishes me this way. Not eating the food I cook. Maybe if I have a cold heart, I would not be bothered to cook and have the food served completely on the table. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. When he's not eating, he manages to make me feel guilty inside.

*sigh*

Today as on his birthday, I bought him a present and a card. It's this MEXX perfume I bought at discount price. It is his own money actually, I took some portion from the groceries money which runs out so quickly. I hope he would not be angry with this or label this as a waste-money item. I also baked him a cake, get the girls decorated it and get them to write the card. I want the girls to know the importance of appreciating the people we love. And Father's Day is coming as well.....

But I don't know how he would react....

I'll be coming back and make a note of his reaction....